How to Foster Mentorship and feel Adequate as a Mentee?

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Everyday I am reminded of the importance of my network because network is information. Information means that you get the first look at opportunities, you are at the top of the consideration set and you get exposed to more ideas. One way to build your network is through mentors who are huge parts of your network. Having someone guide you through your first job or a new industry and give you candid advice is invaluable. I would have been so lost without close mentors guiding me through the complexities of banking. However, as a mentee, I have always struggled with the idea of me not having anything to bring to the table. It always felt like it was transactional and that I was wasting time in their busy schedules. This toxic mindset made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Here are a couple of things I have learned in my years as a mentee and mentor that helped me dispel that toxic mindset:

1. You are not wasting their time … if you come prepared

It goes without saying that you should do some homework on the person you are talking to. The bare minimum is checking their LinkedIn, Medium, Substack, etc. There is nothing worse than hopping on a call or going to a coffee chat with a mentee and they have zero questions. I recently had a Sophomore hop on a call with me and he said word for word “you tell me what I need to know” then asked zero questions. I was beyond shocked. Before you meet with your mentor, write down your intentions and what you want out of the call which will help you come up with a list of questions. While you have a list of questions, don’t treat it as an interview. Don’t ask a question simply for the sake of asking the question even when your mentor already gave you a response. It always ends up with the annoyed “like I said before…”

2. It is not a one sided relationship

My motto is to contribute where you can. I recently had a coffee chat with a sophomore who knew that I was moving to San Francisco and because he is from San Francisco, he sent me a long list of his restaurant and food recommendations. I thought that was so original. It truly is the little things that make a coffee chat memorable. Contributing where you can and it will make a difference.

3. Don’t force it! It’s ok to just talk to someone once

You know when a conversation is going well and when it is not. Sometimes you and the person you are coffee chatting with are just NOT vibing and that’s completely fine. There is nothing worse than someone constantly pestering you when you are just not feeling it. Not all cold emails or coffee chats are going to turn into a mentorship relationship and that’s ok. I encourage you to invest your time elsewhere.

4. Nurture your relationship and keep in touch

If you guys do vibe well together, please do whatever you can to nurture the relationship and keep in touch. If it is the holidays / new years, send a nice message. If you think your relationship is close enough, you can also ask to set up recurring quarterly check-ins. I have a mentor whom I meet with on a quarterly basis just for life updates and we trade stories. Not every call needs to have an ask for a job, a referral or an introduction. If you are in the same city, ask for Coffee or to meet up. Relationships take nurturing and proactiveness helps.

Putting it all into practice… this is the story of how I got my first job out of college

“Mentors talk to you. Sponsors talk about you”

Not all mentorship relationships turn into sponsorship relationships but some do. Mine certainly did. I got my current banking job because of this one incredible woman I met at a random homecoming brunch Sophomore year. She graduated a couple years ahead of me and was the Penn recruiting captain. For every coffee chat, I came prepared with questions and I kept up to date with her life. She appreciated how much effort I put into the relationship. I was always honest with her about what I knew and what I didn’t know. I met with her in person whenever I was in New York. We eventually built a mutual trust. She not only guided me through what banking was and gave me an honest run down of all the banks / their reputations but she also promoted me and fought for me during every stage of the application. She was the very reason why I took my current banking offer. In return, I helped her whenever and however I could with recruiting by providing names of good Penn candidates for the banking internship pipeline.

I kept in touch with her even after she left banking. I texted her pretty frequently and we had maybe two catch-up calls in my first year in banking. She gave me a run down of how to do banking right and how I should maximize my experience. I kept her updated about what was going on in my first year and when it was time, she guided me through the whole Private Equity recruiting process (which was a nightmare of a process but that is a story for another time). She got my name on the short list of Private Equity candidates so that my interview process was accelerated. She introduced me to her superiors so that I could learn more about the private equity space. I remember being so nervous for those chats because I was not only representing myself but I was representing her. She stuck her neck out for me and the least I could do was come prepared.

I could not be more grateful for that one random homecoming brunch that allowed me to make such a meaningful connection. It goes to show that you never know where your mentors and sponsors are going to come from.

This article is a snippet of the monthly Newsletter from The Perspective. Subscribe for more and join an incredible community of women and allies. Through every monthly newsletter, we will work through all the challenges we face from navigating office politics to taking care of ourselves physically and mentally while working a demanding job.